Please stay (I'm here hold on)
by strangerbings
Summary: "So I made a list…" Pre-series AU fic where Chandler is sick and only has one month to live. Monica helps him get through his bucketlist.


Note: So this is a fic that I had written years ago for another pairing and as I was correcting the (many) mistakes, I thought it could fit mondler really well so I edited it again to make it a mondler fic. It's set before the series so none of the others friends are there, except Ross who is mentioned a few times. It's also not all canon-compliant.

Warnings: drug use and character death. Enjoy xx

* * *

"So I made a list…"

Monica looks up from where she is sitting at the table to see Chandler's thin figure in the dark hallway and let out a relieved sigh. Because those five words are the first words her roommate has spoken ever since he got the news just two days before.

" _It's true."_

 _His voice wasn't the usual cheerful, bubbly one that Monica was used to. No, this time, his voice was weak, hoarse, drained from every bit of life it used to be. It made Monica's body shiver and eyes sting because she knew all too well what that meant._

" _I'm really sick," he continued._

 _Monica swallowed, trying to get rid of the thick lump in her throat, trying to get the words right, containing herself the best she could to not break down right there in the hospital waiting room and cry._

" _How long?" she asked with a shaky voice to match her hands._

 _Chandler laughed, though it wasn't funny, wasn't funny at all. It was just empty and hollow._

" _A month," he sighed._

 _Monica broke down._

"A list?" Monica asks when Chandler sits at the table beside her. She pushes a plate full of pancakes in front of him and the two of them waste no time to stuff their faces.

"Yeah, a list. I've got a month, I'm not gonna waste it," he shrugs. Monica feels like throwing up.

"Like a bucket list?" she asks and Chandler nods.

"Not the kind you see in movies though. I don't have the money or the time anyway. No, more like new stuff I want to try or things I want to do one last time, you know?" he explains and Monica nods, but she doesn't know.

She doesn't know because she's young, she didn't think about those things yet, and she's not dying in a month. Her best friend is though, so she nods along to whatever he says and throws him little reassuring smiles. She's just not sure who she wants to reassure yet.

"Can I have a look?" she asks but Chandler shakes his head. Monica pouts. "Aw, why not?"

"Because you're gonna do all these things with me. I've got one for each day left. You're gonna find out as the days pass on."

Monica isn't sure if she's strong enough, never in her life she had once thought she would have to help her best friend, Chandler, go through his bucket list. But of course, she'll do it because it's Chandler, and she's pretty sure she couldn't refuse anything he'd asked her to do, even if she wanted to. So she smiles up at him, a real smile that hasn't been used much in the past two days.

"When do we start?" she asks with a raised eyebrow and Chandler beams at her.

"We've already started."

 _Day 1: Make a bucket list_

Xxx

Monica waits outside a high gray building in her brand new shiny car. It's raining, raining hard but she doesn't mind. She likes the sound of the rain against the car, rolling slowly down the driver's window. She has been waiting for Chandler for over half an hour but she doesn't mind. Because Chandler had been anxious about it, even though they rehearsed what he would say about forty times the night before, he had still been unsure about the whole thing. But it was on his bucket list so Monica insisted on helping him get through with it.

She checks the front door one more time and suddenly sees him, wet brown hair and a huge box full of things Monica can't make out as he makes a run for the car.

"How did it go?" she asks once her friend is comfortably sat beside her, his carton at his feet.

She starts up the car and out of the corner of her eye, she sees Chandler pulling out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter.

"Finally," Chandler sighs as he lights one up and slowly inhales the toxic smoke.

"This thing's gonna kill you," Monica chastises him and Chandler laughs.

"Won't live long enough for that Mon," he takes another drag but Monica remains quiet because right, Chandler's dying in a month.

"So? How did it go? You never answered me," she asks again as she pulls away from the building and into the busy streets.

"Great. That jerk, he didn't say a single word, he just nodded and gave me tight smile while I just kept on going about all the things that I hated about that job. Can you believe it? No more typing in numbers for me. Now we've got the whole month to ourselves."

Monica takes a quick glance at the passenger seat and smiles because yeah, they still have a month together.

 _Day 2: Quit a job that you really hate_

Xxx

"You've got to be kidding me," Monica groans but Chandler laughs. "We've been doing this for hours!"

She complains but she doesn't stop. Because it's on Chandler's bucket list and he wants to do this so they are going to make it, no matter the cost.

"There's this guy where I used to work that told me he was able to do it in forty seconds," Chandler says but never takes his eyes off the colourful cube as he twists it in every way, trying to get the colors to fit. Monica scoffs.

"Well, he's either a freak or a liar," she replies and Chandler laughs again and Monica just wishes she could bring that sound out of her best friend all the time.

"You're just jealous because you can't solve that Rubik's cube," Chandler pulls his tongue out at her and that's when Monica loses it. She throws her plastic toy on the floor and jumps on Chandler from where he is sat on the couch and tackles him until she's completely lying on top of him, their cubes forgotten on the carpeted floor of their apartment's living room.

They stay silent while they stare at each other, their faces barely inches away.

"Hi," Monica says and giggles.

"Hey," Chandler quietly replies. It's so silent and peaceful and it's almost like they completely forgot that Chandler's sick.

Almost.

"So, what are you up to now that you got me trapped underneath you?" Chandler asks, trying to keep his tone serious.

Monica doesn't need to reply because her fingers are already caressing to sensitive skin of Chandler's ribs and the sick boy is a panting mess of giggles and cries and pleas as Monica keeps on tickling him where she knows he'll react the most and they end up falling off the couch and bursting into yet another fit of laughter.

But at the end of day, they have two perfectly completed Rubik's cube.

 _Day 3: Solve a Rubik's cube_

xxx

"Never ever?" Monica is shocked to say the least. Because Chandler loves food, he eats every kind of food and he never has enough.

"Nope. Never," Chandler replies and Monica smiles back. "I've always wanted to try though."

It was one of these days, the ones Monica hates. Chandler had spent the whole day at the hospital doing tests and talking to doctors and psychologists and the boy looked totally exhausted. Monica was there the whole time though, in the examination room when the doctor let her in, or waiting just outside the door when it was impossible for her to be present. Monica hates those days because it's in these ones that reality strikes her: she's going to lose her best friend. And everything is always a little harder.

"You're sure you don't just wanna go to sleep?" she asks even though she already knows the answer.

"It's barely seven and I'm absolutely starving so we are eating the sushi."

There's a finality to his tone and Monica knows he won't take no for an answer so she brings the bag of take-away food to the kitchen, and take out plates while Chandler set the table for two.

"Here," Monica says as she sits with Chandler at the table, pushing a plate full of raw fish in front of the boy, along with a pair of chopstick.

Chandler stares at the food for several quiet seconds, not flinching or making a move to start eating and Monica eyes him curiously.

"Everything alright over there?" she asks and chuckles. "Are you having second thoughts?"

Chandler gets up and Monica wonders if she did something wrong but surely, he comes back with a bright smile and a fork in hand and Monica eyes him even more curiously.

"I can't use chopsticks," he shrugs and takes a bite of his food. Monica waits. Eventually, Chandler's eyes widen and he makes this weird noise from the back of his throat as he takes another bite. "This is so delicious; you should have bought some before Mon."

Monica smiles because Chandler looks like a 5-year-old stuffing his face with treats or maybe it's because he used her nickname, it doesn't matter, she's happy.

"You know, I could show you how to use chopsticks," she offers but the other boy is already almost done with his meal and Monica laughs. "Never mind, we'll try next time." It's Chandler's turn to smile.

"There's definitely gonna be a next time."

 _Day 4: Try sushi_

Xxx

"Here," Chandler drops a sketchpad and a pencil on Monica's lap and sits next to her on the couch. Monica tears her eyes away from the TV screen and turns her head around to find her friend looking expectantly right back at her.

"What's that for?" she asks and Chandler sighs.

"It's raining outside," Chandler points out and Monica doesn't understand. "I wanted to go to the park."

"But what does it have to do with the sketchbook?" Monica asks and turns off the TV because she doesn't care about it anymore.

"I wanted to get my portrait done by the artist in the park, but it's raining!" Chandler exclaims and well, now Monica understands. "I guess I'll just get it done by the artist in my living room instead," Chandler teases and chuckles when he notices the way Monica's cheeks get a shade darker.

"So you want me to draw you?" Monica asks. "Honey, you know I'm a terrible artist, right?" It's the truth and she doesn't want to disappoint his friend.

"Hey don't worry, I won't get naked and ask you to draw me like one of your French girls if that's what you're worried about," Chandler jokes and the mood considerably lights up because Monica laughs with him and grab the pencil firmly in her hand.

"Okay then, stay still," she lets the sharp tip of the pencil dance away on the rough paper as she tries to capture Chandler's face in the light of this rainy day.

"Thank you Mon."

"Thank you? You should wait until I'm done, I'm not sure-"

"No I mean, thank you. Just for being here, helping me, just, thank you."

And Monica has to stop for a moment because she feels overwhelmed and she doesn't know what to do. She wants to grab Chandler and hold him against her, she wants to tickles his worries away, and she wants to do anything that will get his mind off the fact that he's going to die. Turns out it's not an easy thing to do. So she lifts his eyes to meet Chandler's blue ones.

"I'm gonna be here for you until the very end, honey. You're not getting rid of me just yet," she says with the most sincere look and lets her eyes go down on the paper one more time to complete her chef d'oeuvre. She faintly hears Chandler murmurs something that sounds like 'I'd never get rid of you' but she feels like she wasn't meant to hear that so she doesn't do much about it except trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach.

It doesn't work because when she hands Chandler his portrait, it looks like the other boy is about to cry and the butterflies are back again when she feels his chapped lips against her cheek.

 _Day 5: Have your portrait drawn_

Xxx

When Monica wakes up, it's raining. She doesn't get up though, because the sun is away, the apartment is completely silent, and it feels like a good day to have a lazy Sunday.

Except not.

Because as soon as she lets her head hit the pillow, there's a small blow at the side of her head and an orange whistler darts laying on the pillow next to her.

"What the-"

"Nerf war! Grab your weapon, you have thirty seconds!" She hears Chandler shout from her doorway and down the corridor as he runs around the apartment.

Monica chuckles to herself and shakes her head as she lies back down on the bed because no, Chandler can't be twenty-two years old. Her thoughts are disturbed though when she hears a loud 'Seventeen!' and she quickly gets out of bed and dresses in a pair of sweats. When she hears 'Twenty-two!' though and she still can't find his shirt, she thinks 'fuck it' and grab her own plastic gun from her wardrobe and her own foam darts and leaves the room, still in her bra.

The apartment is deadly silent, oddly silent. Monica doesn't like it one bit and she wonders how she'll make it without Chandler when passes away. She shakes the thought out of her head because now isn't the time to think about this. Now, it's time for war.

She walks carefully into the kitchen, seemingly empty. She has a bad feeling when she hears a shaky breath but can't tell where it's from. Soon enough though, Chandler's head pops out from behind the island counter in the middle of the kitchen and Monica's body is covered in orange darts as she tries to shoot back, poorly aiming. Chandler escapes to the living room but Monica has spotted him and she's already on his heels to chase him. They run around the couch and the fancy furniture, throwing insults at each other without any real venom until both of them are out of munitions and collapse on the floor laughing.

It's silent and they're panting from all the running but then, Chandler's coughing and panting even more heavily and Monica is up on her feet and by his side.

"What's wrong Chan?" she asks and grabs his hand, trying to get the boy to sit upright. Chandler doesn't stop coughing or panting though and Monica freaks out and cries. She tries to reach the phone on the coffee table and begins to compose the unfortunately familiar number of the hospital but Chandler stops her and that's when she realizes that he's okay.

She wraps her arms around Chandler's frail body and holds him against her, nuzzling her wet face in the pale neck and pressing kiss to his brown hair.

"Don't do this to me ever again," she whispers and Chandler nods and presses a kiss on Monica's forehead before lying down on the floor, still wrapped in her arms.

"Hey Mon," Chandler says after a while. Monica only hums in reply. "I got to see you in your bra," Chandler jokes weakly and chuckles when she softly punches his arm.

So much for a lazy Sunday.

 _Day 6: Have a nerf war_

Xxx

"It's gonna be the first room on your right," the sweet nurse tells them. "They've been waiting for you; you don't know how much this will make them happy," she says and then leaves when she's called to come over in another room.

Monica and Chandler walk side by side in the bright white coloured wall of the familiar hospital hallway. Monica hates to come here, Chandler even more, but today, they both have an award winning smile on their lips. Chandler clutches the colourful book in his hand and Monica bumps their shoulder together to get his attention.

"It's so nice of you to do this for them," she says and Chandler shrugs but doesn't wipe the smile off his face.

"We're in the same situation except they're kids and they are not supposed to be in that kind of situation. Not so young," Chandler tells her and she nods along and brings up a hand to squeeze Chandler's shoulder.

"But you don't deserve to be in that kind of situation either," she murmurs but Chandler doesn't say anything back because they're walking through the door where a little crowd of young boys and girls are sitting on pillows on the floor, in front of a plastic chair in the middle of the room.

Monica pats Chandler's back and watches her friend walks up to the chair while she sits down on the ground next to a little girl.

"Hi!" she says in a very bubbly voice and Monica smiles up at her. "You have very pretty hair!" she says and reaches out to touch Monica's dark hair.

"Thank you princess," she says and the little girl giggles.

"I used to have pretty hair too but I'm sick. Mommy says it's cancer. Mommy says cancer ate my hair because it thought my hair was too pretty and it was jealous," the girl explains and Monica keeps on smiling but her eyes are clouded with sadness as she listens to the words coming out of the little girl's mouth. She quickly turns silent as Chandler begins to read but Monica can't focus on the words he's saying.

She's just looking at him, watching the way he smiles even when he talks, watching the way his pale white skin flushes when he stumble over a word and the way his eyes lights up when he can bring a fit of laughter out of the sick kids' mouth.

An especially loud giggle from the girl next to her brings Monica back to reality and she hears Chandler's voice read through the rhymes of Dr. Seuss.

"When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles," He reads quickly and Monica laughs along with the kids as Chandler struggles to make the words come out right. "They call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle!"

And that night when they come home, Monica makes Chandler read 'Fox in Socks' and they fall asleep on the couch.

 _Day 7: Read a Dr. Seuss book to sick children_

Xxx

"You are such a child," Monica tells him and gives him a look of pure adoration.

Chandler giggles and Monica feels them again, the butterflies are back.

"But that's why you love me," Chandler answers cheekily and Monica can't argue with this because he's right. She can't say it out loud though; she can't tell her best friend she likes him, not when they only have three weeks left so Monica just bumps their shoulders together in a playful gesture that isn't supposed to mean anything.

"So, where first?" Monica asks with the map in her hands and sunglasses on her nose. It was a hot, sunny June day and Chandler decided that it was the perfect occasion to go to the zoo. Monica complied happily like she always did.

"How about the lions?" Chandler proposes and Monica checks her map one more time before she leads the way to the lions exhibit, Chandler always by his side.

"Did you put sunscreen on?" Monica asks and Chandler scoffs.

"Yes mom," he replies and Monica rolls her eyes but Chandler can't see because they're hidden behind the dark shades.

"Just looking out for you, you know," Monica says quietly and Chandler feels bad and grabs her hand, which causes Monica to feel a spark throughout her whole body as she squeezes it back.

"I know I'm sorry," he says.

Monica sighs. "No I'm sorry, I shouldn't boss you around," she says and Chandler shakes his head.

"You're looking out for me. It's nice. Thanks Mon," he says and Monica squeezes his hand again. They fall in a comfortable silence, holding hands when they arrive at the lion exhibit.

Turns out, the lions aren't the most entertaining to watch, because when the friends arrive, they're all sleeping. Chandler watches anyway.

"I kind of envy them, you know."

Monica turns around to look at her friend and waits for him to continue.

"They're big and strong and they don't have a care in the world, they can sleep all day if they want 'cause they're the king of the damn jungle and sometimes, I wish I could be just like them."

Monica reaches out and wraps an arm around Chandler's waist and holds him close because his eyes are glistening and there's no smile on his face and Monica knows what it means. She hates what it means. She carefully leans in and gets on the tip of her toes so that her mouth hovers just above his ear.

"You're the strongest person I know Chandler, never doubt it."

 _Day 8: Go to the zoo_

Xxx

"I'm not saying it's a bad idea, it's actually a wonderful idea, I just don't get why you spent so much money on a pair of white plain shoes," Monica says as she follows Chandler in their kitchen where the sick boy has placed a complete set of colourful markers on the table, along with the brand new pair of Converse shoes.

"Because I'm dying in a month anyway, that's why, now stop complaining about my bank account and take a seat," he says and Monica sits down. "Now you have this shoe and I'll take the other and you draw anything you want on it," he explains as he reaches for a green marker and begins to write his name on the side of the shoe.

Monica watches him work; tongue poking out of his pink lips in concentration and blushes furiously when Chandler catches her staring. He makes no comment about it though, he just tells Monica to hurry up because he has an appointment with the doc later that day and he really wants to wear his brand new shoes. Monica's heart sinks at the thought of her Chandler back at the hospital but she tries to ignore the feeling as she begins to doodles on the shoes as well, just little things that reminds her of Chandler.

She draws a little basketball, thinking back to that time they went to the Knicks game with Ross, back in college. She also draws a little tie, thinking about how cute Chandler always looked when he dressed up for work. And then, she finds herself drawing a Rubik's cube on the left side of the shoe, and orange whistler darts and sushi with the chopsticks he still can't use. On the other side, she draws a lion and spell out in a cute font the word 'Strong' and when she's done, she feels satisfied with himself.

And Chandler is obviously satisfied as well because when they come back home after the appointment, Monica finds all of Chandler's old nike shoes in the trash, just his brand new pair of shoes sitting at the edge of the front door.

 _Day 9: Buy a pair of white shoes and doodle on them_

When Monica wakes up that day and finds Chandler sitting on their living room floor with a giant, colourful kite in his hands, she has to pinch herself to make sure she's not dreaming. She finds himself with a stung arm and Chandler still sitting with a kite his hands. She's not dreaming.

"Where did you find this?" Monica asks and sits down across from Chandler and runs her hands over the kite. It's a beautiful kite, Monica is sure of that.

"There's this man from the apartment below us who was about to throw it away about three month ago but he gave me instead," Chandler explains but Monica still doesn't understand.

"But where did you put it? Why haven't seen it before?" She asks, confused and Chander smirks.

"It was under my bed," he says and eyes Monica, who looks still in awe at the

kite. "You want to go make it fly in the park? It's a windy day today."

And Chandler doesn't need to say it twice because Monica's already on her feet and ready to go.

They end up in Central park and it's emptier than they would have expected but the two are glad to have the area for themselves. Chandler was right, it really was a windy day. Monica's hair stuck to her face and she didn't even care.

"It's huge, how are we going to make it stand right?" Chandler asks and Monica thinks about it.

"You grab the string, I'll try to make it stand and when I tell you, you run, alright?" Monica tells him. Chandler nods and grabs the string.

They have three failed attempts before they get it right but when they do, Chandler is running around the park and Monica is laughing because they made it and she's genuinely happy.

And the kite stays against the wall in their living room instead to go back under Chandler's bed and it's just a reminder of that perfect day.

 _Day 10: Fly a kite_

Xxx

Monica isn't sure why they left the comfort of their couch to go to the pub but she thinks it has something to do with pleading blue eyes and a 'Hey, let's go to the pub'. She doesn't really mind though because it makes Chandler happy and Monica likes to make Chandler happy.

"I'm gonna go sing," Chandler says once he's done with his third margarita and four shooters, pointing to the little karaoke stage in the corner of the pub. Monica arches her eyebrow and laughs because Chandler really is trying to stand up and there's no doubt he really is about to do that.

"You are?" she asks, amused and Chandler nods with a small smile on his lips.

"I love to sing!" he exclaims and then he was gone, making his way to the mic and Monica is ready for the worst. Chandler never told anyone about his sudden passion for singing and Monica has never heard a single note leaving the boy's mouth. She doesn't know what to expect.

"Hey guys," Chandler says into the mic and Monica laughs because his words are slurred and she's not sure if he can even stand without gripping the mic's stand. "I'm gonna sing a song and this song is from one of my favorite movie!"

There's the beginning of a familiar piano and Monica laughs, realising Chandler chose to sing a song from the Annie soundtrack.

"The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun," Chandler begins to sing.

And Monica feels like someone knocked the air out of her because she knows what this song means and she hates what this song means but she loves Chandler, and his goofy smile and his jokes and his voice and Monica could listen to him sing every day for the rest of their life.

Unfortunately, she knows there's not much days left so that night, when she can't sleep, she slips under Chandler's cover, begs him to sing her to sleep and that's what he does.

 _Day 11: Sing Karaoke_

Xxx

"So, about that thing-"

"Shh, Monica, you're gonna scare them away."

There's pause and everything is silent except for the sound of the water slowly rocking the boat."Yeah, alright, there's no fish to scare away anyway or they would've bitten already!" Chandler says mere seconds later and Monica chuckles.

Chandler knows he's supposed to stay silent because that's what his dad used to tell him when he was younger, but he's itching to talk and Monica notices it.

"Spit it out though boy," Monica sighs.

"This sucks!"

Monica laughs but Chandler isn't done yet. "They say there's supposed to be plenty of fish in the sea, why can't we get a single one!"

When he is done with his rant, his fishing hat is about to fall down and Monica reaches out to place it back correctly on his head.

"Thanks," he says and sighs. "We should have brought beers."

Monica laughs again but it doesn't last long because soon there's a weight on her fishing rod and she grips it with both hands.

"Chan, I got one!" she says rather loudly and Chandler stands in the shaky boat to slap his hand over her mouth.

"Shh, you're gonna scare him away!" he hisses under his breath and Monica shuts her mouth as Chandler helps him with her heavy line.

They try to rewind the line but it's a big catch and it's hard and in the end, the fish swims away with the worm.

"This sucks," Monica agrees. Chandler scoffs.

"I swear, we're gonna get one and eat it tonight."

And that night, they do eat fish for dinner though they'll never admit they bought it at the grocery store two streets away.

 _Day 12: Go fishing_

xxx

"Just wrap your arms around me," Monica does so, grips hard at Chandler's hips and Chandler smiles as he starts up the engine. "You're sure about this?"

Monica nods but remembers that Chander can't see him so she says a loud 'yeah' and she knows he heard her despite the sound of the engine and the fact that she is wearing a helmet because they're moving and Monica freezes.

She's terrified but never will he say it out loud, because she promised Chandler she'll do everything on the list with him. She feels safe with Chandler though and she trusts her friend with her life and that's all it took for Chandler to convince her to go a ride with him on the motorcycle.

After a while, Chandler feels Monica relax against his back and smiles as he drives furiously fast to their next destination. Chander likes the rush of adrenaline, likes the cold wind in his face and he likes how it makes him feel so alive.

When he turns off the engine, they're just outside a little coffee shop and Monica smiles because it's her favourite and Chandler remembered. She can't take off her helmet though and she hears Chandler chuckles. Her face turns red but no one can see because she's still stuck under the helmet. Chandler takes a few step towards her and slides the offensive object off Monica's head and his friend shyly smiles up at him and for a while, they stay still, just smiling at each other. Chandler feels like he should do something so he gathers his friend in a hug and plant a kiss on her cheek with a small 'thanks' and then, they're off to take coffee.

And if it strangely feels like a date, nobody mentions it.

 _Day 13: Ride a motorcycle_

Xxx

That day, Monica feels sick and Chandler has an appointment to the hospital but he tells her to stay in until she feels better. Monica doesn't like it because she's usually there at every meeting Chander has with his doctor, no matter how much it kills her inside.

She's having a coughing fit when she hears the front door open and suddenly, it doesn't matter if she feels like shit because Chandler is home.

"Honey, I'm home!" he teases and Monica giggles and blushes.

She gets out of bed with a blanket on her shoulders and a red puffy nose but she has a smile on her face. She steps into the kitchen to find Chandler shuffling around the room, taking food out of grocery bags and pans out of the cupboard and Monica watches him work incredulously from the doorway.

"What are you doing on this fine evening with this food Chandler?" Monica asks, curious and Chandler stops what he's doing to shoot her a blinding smile. Monica is pretty sure something broke inside of her.

"Making a dish!" he says proudly and Monica's eyes widen in surprise but she still wears a smile on her face. The thing is, Chandler can't cook to save his life, and it's usually Monica's job to feed both of them.

"I can make it if you want," she offers before she feels a shiver shake her whole body and sneezes right there and then in front of Chandler.

"No way, you're sick," he points out.

"So are you," Monica replies and Chandler gives her one last soft smile before he returns to chopping his vegetables.

"I'm making you dinner tonight so stop complaining and enjoy babe," he winks at him and Monica blushes again, wondering when their friendship shifted from completely platonic to non-stop flirting and lingering touches. After thinking for a while, she finds outs she doesn't really care because she's happy with how things are between them at the moment.

"What are you even doing?" Monica asks.

Chandler turns around to throw Monica a smirk before he answers "Alfredo pastas," and Monica's breath hitches because it's her favourite meal and she has a feeling Chandler's totally aware of that.

"I can't promise you it'll be as good as yours though!" he adds and Monica laughs with Chandler but she knows she'll eat whatever the boy cooks her because she just loves him that much.

And it turns out that Chandler isn't that bad of a chef and makes excellent pastas and Monica has to refrain herself the best she can to not just kiss Chandler right there in the middle of their kitchen.

 _Day 14: Learn to make a dish_

Xxx

The next day, Monica feels a little better but she's still sick so they decide to spend a day in. They're on the couch, Chandler having a smoke when Monica suddenly takes the cigarette out of his mouth.

"You should stop," she tells him and Chandler is confused as he blows out the smoke.

"What are you talking about?" he goes to take another puff but Monica stops him and throws it in the ashtray instead

Chandler doesn't understand. "What the fuck you did you do that for?"

"It's gonna kill us," Monica says and Chandler still looks at her like she's a madman and well she kind of is. "I know, I know, you're already dying," she pauses, saying it out loud hurting her more than she likes to admit. "But you're second hand smoke is affecting me too. If you're gonna leave, I'd rather watch you go as a non-smoker."

Chandler is silent for a moment, processing this new information. Then, he clears his throat and takes out the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

"You're right," he admits. "It' killing you too and I'm not gonna let that happen."

He stands up to throw away his pack of cigarette and multiples lighters and when he sits back down next to Monica, she grabs his hand and gives him a firm squeeze and Chandler smiles up at her and thinks maybe it won't be that hard.

Of course, it is and that night, when Chandler really craves a smoke, he knocks on Monica's bedroom door and slips under the covers in the space she just made for him. Monica wraps an arm around his skinny torso and hugs him tight while Chandler presses a kiss to her head and falls asleep.

He doesn't know how long he'll manage to go without smoking but he probably wouldn't mind not touching another one ever if it means he'll fall asleep this way forever.

 _Day 15: Quit smoking_

Xxx

That day, Monica was feeling a whole lot better.

Unlike Chandler.

When Monica had noticed that Chandler was shivering and heard one of his coughing fit, she didn't waste a minute to drive him to the hospital.

"You must've had got it from me, I'm so sorry Chandler," she says but Chandler smiles up at her and say it doesn't matter, it isn't so bad. Monica doesn't want to take any chances so she asks to see Chandler's doctor and it turns out, it is really just a cold and it won't affect Chandler any other way than the regular thing. Still, he gives him some antibiotic to help him get over it a little faster.

It seems to have worked because the same night, Chandler is feeling already better and Monica is relieved.

It's about eight and it's already dark outside when Chandler gets up from the couch where he was cuddling with Monica and walks to the kitchen. He comes back a moment later with chocolate, butter cookies and a bag of white fluffy marshmallows along with a playful grin on his face.

"C'mon," he says and Monica just gets up because she has a feeling that even if she asks, she won't get an answer out of the boy.

Much to her surprise, Chandler is putting on his shoes and getting out the door and Monica doesn't understand where he wants to go. She has noticed that her sick friend was feeling more and more tired as days pass on. She follows him anyway.

They head outside and cross their tiny little backyard all the way to the metallic fence that separates the concrete ground from the forest and then they stop.

"I'm gonna need a little help to get over this," he says to Monica with a sheepish look and she just gets even more confused.

"Where are we going Chandler?"

"I can't tell you or it'll ruin the surprise! I just need you to help me climb the fence."

And Monica can't refuse, not when the boy seems so genuinely excited so she tells him to drop his food and he does as told. Then, Monica crouches down and holds her hands up high.

"Put your foot here and I'll lift you up," she says and Chandler puts a hand on Monica shoulder to steady himself. Once Monica has a grab of Chandler's foot, she lift the frail boy at the top of the fence and Chandler slides off on the other side easily. Monica doesn't take too long until she joins him and they're both in the high grass and surrounded by trees.

"So, where to Mr. Explorer?" she teases but Chandler doesn't mind, he just smiles and starts walking between the trees, knowing exactly where he's going and she doesn't question it. She trusts him.

They walk a short distance in the darkness of the forest before they reach a spot that is not surrounded by trees, though there's a lot of rocks and some dead tree trunks lying around a pile of wood and some old newspaper.

"Are we building a bonfire?" Monica asks and has to stifle an incredulous laughter because really? A bonfire right in their backyard? "How did you even find out about this place?"

Chandler smiles as he starts to arrange the wood and lights it on fire. "Last year, when I used to come home late from work, I always heard some singing and guitar strumming and that one night, I decided to go check what was going on and that's when I found those kids around the fire, with booze and marshmallows and I decided that I would make myself a bonfire as well. Never happened though, so let's get it done while I still have time, right?"

Monica has a sad smile on her lips as she mutters a quiet 'right' but her smile grows wider when she notices that Chandler already has the fire going on and that he's already taken the marshmallow out of the bag and into his mouth without even roasting them.

"So, are we going to make s'mores or what?" Monica asks when Chandler stuffs the fourth fluffy sweet in his mouth and with a little help from the glow of the fire, Monica notices a faint blush making its way on his skin.

In the end, they burn six marshmallows and both of their tongue, and they go to sleep with cramps from all the laughing and a stomach full from all the eating.

 _Day 16: Build a bonfire and make s'mores_

Xxx

That day, when Chandler makes plan to go out, it's night again and Monica wonders if it's a new habit of his to make things when the sun is down. It doesn't stop her from taking a seat in Chandler's car though, she's just wondering.

"So where are we going?" Monica hopefully asks and is delighted when Chandler actually tells her their destination.

"We're going to the beach," he announces and Monica's eyes widen.

"At 11 PM? Chandler, have you gone mad?" she asks and bites her lip to stop the smile growing on her face when Chandler shakes his head because he looks just like a child and Monica really wants to reach out for him and kiss him.

"We're going skinny dipping," he says and it's his turn to bite his lip, unsure and a little scared of Monica's reaction. It would be perfectly normal for her to freak out, because he just told her best friend that he wanted to go skinny dipping with her. But Monica just blushes and nods and Chandler smiles.

It's a thirty minutes ride to the beach and it's filled with laughter and singing and little secretive smiles until they reach the place and they jump out of the car. It's a bit chilly, even for the end of the month of June but neither of them care.

It's a matter of seconds before the two of them are in the water, their teeth chattering from the coldness of the sea. It's dark and they can't see anything because lights of the beach are turned off after 10 and the only source of lighting they have is from the headlights of Chandler's car, parked a few feet away.

"You alright Chan?" Monica asks into the darkness and hears a hum in response.

"Just a bit cold," he says and Monica is immediately concerned, because there's only so many times an already sick boy can get a cold before it's too late. And in Chandler's case, they don't have that much time on their hands.

"Come here," Monica says as she opens her arms and Chandler crawls in them, not feeling much warmer from the heat of Monica but he blushes because of the closeness of the both of them and that gets him warmer.

Monica rests her chin on top of her friend's shoulder as Chandler lays his cheek against Monica's head. "Better now?" she asks and Chandler nods.

He pulls back a little and looks into the clear blue eyes he knows so well. "Thank you Monica," he says and before he can take it back, he inches his face closer to hers and presses his mouth against her lips.

Monica is taken aback but not for long because she definitely doesn't want to miss her chance and she's almost instantly kissing back, biting and licking and smiling when she hears the little sounds Chandler makes in the back of his throat. Monica but help but think they should have done this way sooner.

When they finally pull back for air, Monica is gasping and Chandler slowly opens his eyes to see a flushed skin and swollen lips Monica and he leans in just to peck her mouth once more. They have already spent too much time not doing this and he's not wasting time anymore.

They can't waste time anymore.

"I love you," Chandler whispers out of breath and Monica smiles and holds him close against her, her mouth on his red cold ear as she whispers "I love you" back and well, it's past midnight so technically, Chandler can cross that out of his bucket list and have a day off tomorrow.

 _Day 17: Going skinny dipping_

 _Day 18: Tell her I love her_

Xxx

When Monica wakes up, she has a pang in his chest because it's day 19 and she knows there's not many days left. However, as she looks down at the sleepy boy in her arms, she forces herself to stop thinking about those kind of things and settles on waking the other boy with small kisses all over his face and finally, on the corner of the boy's mouth, watching him slowly flutters his eyes open.

"Good morning sleepy head," she says and Chandler smiles up and sighs.

"It's definitely good," he says and then grabs Monica's neck to pull his friend's lips on his.

"What are we doing today?" she asks in between kisses.

"We're staying in today," he says and Monica pouts.

"We did this yesterday," she whines but Chander laughs and sits up to stretch, and Monica can't bare to look at how skinny his arms gave become and how pale his skin now is. No matter how hard she tries to push the somber facts in the back of her head, the signs are still there. Chandler really is dying.

"Yeah but yesterday we slept all day," he says. "Today it's Disney movies marathon! C'mon, we'll choose the movies and then eat a little."

Monica chuckles at his childish boyfriend but follows him out of bed anyway.

They decide to begin the day with the Little Mermaid, followed by the Jungle Book, then Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland, moving on to the Aristocats (Chandler's favourite) and Cinderella (Monica's favourite), finishing with One Hundred and One Dalmatians. When Chandler insists to also watch Robin Hood, Monica agrees with a sweet kiss to his lip.

And the day is spent on the couch, stealing kisses under the covers, laughing and crying and overall, it's a perfect day and Chandler thinks that if he's going to heaven in ten days, he wants it to be like that.

 _Day 19: Watch Disney movies all day_

Xxx

The next day, Chandler feels good, very good and so does Monica. She isn't prepared to hear what Chandler is about to say though.

"Hey baby, today we're planting a tree."

Monica chokes on her glass of orange juice and Chandler laughs.

"We're what now?"

"We're planting a tree on our front lawn!"

And it's true because hours later, they're arguing in the streets, wondering where they'll plant it.

"There's gonna be so much more light on this side!" Monica says but Chander shakes his head.

"Just in the morning, then, the building will make too much shade the rest of the day," he replies calmly.

"Where do you suggest we put it then?" Monica asks impatiently because being wrong is something she doesn't like and Chandler knows it and just finds it extra cute.

"We're gonna put it right here, this way, it'll have a little bit of sun all day," Chandler says and kisses Monica's sweaty forehead as he begins to dig the hole in the ground.

They make it work and in the end, Chandler is right, they find the perfect spot for their tree to grow and they're actually proud of themselves.

"So, what's the deal with this whole planting trees stuff? I never took you, Chandler Bing, for a green hippie," Monica teases as she wraps one arm around his waist and presses a kiss on his temple, admiring their tree.

"Well," Chandler blushes. "I just thought I'd leave my mark down here before, you know, before I go and I thought that would be a great way because it's ours, it's our tree and I want it to be a symbol of our love because even when I'm gone, my love for you won't ever stop to grow."

By the time he's done, Monica's eyes are welled up with tears and Chandler feels bad for making her sad so he wipes her tears away and slowly kisses her. It tastes salty and Monica pulls away too soon for air but still tells Chandler how much she loves him.

 _Day 20: Plant a tree_

Xxx

Monica doesn't know how it even happened. She didn't approve in the first place, because it's a terrible idea but Chandler always had a way to change her mind and convince her that any idea is a great one. She thinks it's even worse now that he can use his mouth and his tongue against her and well, Monica gives in.

"I thought I had convinced you to stop smoking?" Monica asks in an attempt to persuade Chandler to give up the idea. He just rolls his eyes.

"It's weed Mon, it's not the same," he reasons and Monica opens her mouth to argue some more but Chandler beats her to it. "C'mon babe, we haven't done this since college with Ross, and it's gonna be my last time. I don't want you to have a pout on your face the whole time. Cheer up yeah?"

Monica can't even say anything back because Chanler already curls his pink lips around the joint and sucks in a breath before letting the smoke out of his mouth, a satisfied grin on his face. He wraps his mouth around the joint once more and oh, Monica is getting flustered.

Chandler doesn't help at all, if anything, he just makes it worse when he grabs Monica's neck to press their mouth together, making her inhale the smoke in a hot, wet kiss. When Monica opens her eyes, she finds Chandler's blue ones already dilated and she leans in for another kiss, her freckled hands finding their way under Chandler's shirt and over his pale stomach, enjoying the shiver on the boy's skin.

"Your turn," Chandler says when they pull away, Monica's hands still under his shirt while he joint up to her mouth. She inhales the smoke and pushes her head back with a moan as she lets it out, because Chandler's teeth are in the sensitive flesh of her neck and he's biting and licking and Monica grabs his waist so hard that she's almost sure she'll leave bruises.

"Your shirt. Off," Chandler says while taking a drag of smoke and Monica obeys as she watches Chandler's eyes rolls back when he lets the smoke out. Monica bites her lip so hard, she tastes blood. When Chandler opens his eyes again, he has that satisfied smirk on his face and a burning fire in his eyes. He moves forward and presses his tongue inside Monica's mouth but as soon as she starts to kiss him back, he pulls away, earning a whine from his friend. Instead of pushing his tongue back between Monica's lips, Chandler sticks the joint in the girl's mouth and lays her down on their living room floor. He straddles her hips and presses his lips against the skin of Monica's collarbone, nibbling on the soft flesh then moving onto her shoulder and her torso, dipping down between her breasts. He continues his trail on her soft stomach and belly button and all the down to her waistband, leaving kisses and gentle bites. Monica can only breath out the smoke and let some little sounds from the back of her throat every time Chander reaches a sensitive spot.

And it feels good, the drug in her veins and Chandler marking her neck and collarbone and breasts and it feels good having Chandler's naked body sweating against her own and Monica wishes they had more time, because if she could, she'd do that every night.

 _Day 21: Smoke weed_

Xxx

"I want to go ice skating."

"We're in the middle of summer, Chandler."

"There's an indoor skating rink uptown."

"We don't even have skates, Chandler."

"They rent skates."

There's a pause. Chandler waits. Monica bites the inside of her cheek.

"I can't ice skate," Monica admits but doesn't meet Chandler's eyes, her head low and her cheeks flushed. Chandler smiles sweetly at her but it's unnoticed because Monica is staring at the ground. Chandler takes her hands.

"I'll show you, yeah?" he promises and gives a little squeeze at their intertwined hands.

"You'll never leave my side?" she asks when she finally looks up at him and Chandler shakes his head and peck her lips slowly.

"So we're good?" he asks. Monica smiles.

"We're good. Let's go ice skate."

However, Monica changes her mind once they step on the ice.

"We're not good," she says as she tries to skate back to the entry of the rink and get out of those death boots but she can't even stand, so she quickly decides to give up that idea and just grips the ice rink boards instead.

"You're too tense honey, let loose. C'mon, just hold my hands," Chandler is standing in front of her and Monica can't help but notice how sick he looks. His face is paler than usual, his blue eyes are faded and dead from all the extra treatments the doctors gave him this month, he has bags under his eyes and in overall, he definitely looks weaker than at the beginning of the month.

She knows it. She's going to lose him.

She looks one more time at her sick boyfriend and at his outstretched hands and slowly, she leans forward to grip it. Chandler smiles proudly while Monica shakes, absolutely terrified.

"Alright, now I'm gonna skate backwards and you're gonna follow me," Chandler says as he starts to move, his skates sliding against the smooth ice and Monica lets him take care of both of them, making them move across the rink. She starts to push one foot, then the other and soon enough, she's skating. She's still holding to Chandler's hands but she's skating nonetheless.

And that day, she falls, she falls but she gets right back up because this is how life is supposed to be even though she knows that once Chandler start falling, they'll be no getting up again.

 _Day 22: Ice-skate_

Xxx

The next day, it's raining again so they stay in. Chandler doesn't feel very good, and they both know why. He doesn't feel good anymore in general. The days seem longer, the nights darker and Monica can tell that he's giving up. She can't blame him. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming in pain, Monica can't do anything so she just holds him close to her heart and prays that everything will be alright, even though she knows it won't change a thing. She tries to keep her own tears from falling. All in all, losing Chandler is even harder than she thought.

"The hospital called Chan," Monica quietly says that morning when they're both still in bed. She presses a kiss in Chandler's hair and the sick boy hums for her to continue. "They said it would be best if you stayed there for the next couple of days," Monica says, her voice strained. She knows she's about to cry.

Chandler snorts. "The _last_ couple of days you mean," he says but the end of his sentence is swallowed in a coughing fit. Monica can't do anything; she just rubs his back and presses other kisses all over his face. "I'm not done with my bucket list yet," Chandler admits, with a little voice, like he's afraid to say it out loud. Monica really wants to cry.

"I'm sorry sweetie," she whispers, not trusting her voice as a tear rolls down her cheek but Chandler is quick to wipe it off and make it disappear. He kisses her and Monica tries to take her mind off anything else that isn't related to Chandler's tongue in her mouth. It doesn't work because her best friend, her _boyfriend_ , is dying and Monica finds out it's something that is hard to take off her mind.

"Can we just stay in today and go to the hospital tonight?" Chandler asks, looking exhausted.

"Of course baby," Monica replies, passing her fingers through Chandler's hair. "Anything you want," she adds, kissing his messy hair. She is going to miss that.

"Can we build a blanket fort?" Chandler's eyes are hopeful and sad at the same time and Monica hates it so she kisses his mouth.

"Of course we can."

And they get out of bed with a pile of blanket in their hands and less than an hour later, they're lying on a pile of pillows in their blanket fort in the middle of the living room. It's still raining and they can hear the rain hitting the windows. Chandler has his head on Monica's stomach, playing with the hem of her shirt while she plays with the strands of brown hair on Chandler's head.

"You know, I think I'm gonna miss the sound of the rain," he says suddenly. Monica smiles at him.

"What else are you gonna miss? " she asks him and Chandler thinks about Monica's question, rubbing his chin and Monica knows that this sight is something she'll miss.

"I'm gonna miss winter, watching the snow fall with a hot cocoa, Christmas, snowballs fight. I'm gonna miss food. Desserts the most. I'm gonna miss vacations and holidays, waking up at odds hours, not going to work. I'm gonna miss New-York. Fuck, I'm so gonna miss it."

He takes a deep breath and goes on.

"I'm gonna miss watching movies and I'm gonna miss you telling me how the book is so much better while I'm trying to watch it. I'm gonna miss eating all the popcorn and hearing you complain about it. I'm gonna miss sleeping. Wait, that one was stupid," he chuckles and Monica laughs along.

"I'm gonna miss your laugh. I'm gonna miss your smiles. I'm gonna miss your food and hanging out with you and your stupid brother. I'm gonna miss the way your eyes light up when you talk about something that you're passionate about. I'm gonna miss falling asleep and waking up next to you. I'm also gonna miss your stupid fear of spiders. I'm gonna miss our nerf wars. I think what I'll miss the most is everything about you."

Chandler takes another deep breathe in and tries to steady his voice.

"I'm gonna miss you Monica," Chandler finally says and she is crying but she kisses him with her salty lips anyway and maybe if they never stop kissing, Chandler will never leave.

When it's beginning to get dark, they have to get out of the fort to go to the hospital.

"Aren't we gonna clean this up?" Chandler asks as he points to their fort. Monica shakes her head.

"We'll take it down when we come back."

Chandler nods, even though he knows he's probably not coming back.

 _Day 23: Build a blanket fort._

Xxx

Chandler dies the next morning.

Monica wakes up from the uncomfortable position on the hospital chair by Chandler's bed to the sound of his heart monitor giving up. She hears the final 'beep', she watches as the doctors tries to reanimate him and she cries when they fail. She's holding onto Chandler's hand when a nurse comes in, her grip is so hard she'd probably stop the circulation in Chandler's hand if her friend was still alive. The nurse is sweet and when she asks Monica if there are any relatives that she should call, she tells her no, because his mom passed away a long time ago and he was estranged from his father. She'd tell the nurse to call Ross, but she doesn't think she can faces the heartbroken look on her brother. She wants to be alone, but she never felt this lonely.

They finally take Chandler away from her, despite Monica's cries of protest and the girl goes home.

It hurts when she pushes the door to their apartment to find the blanket fort still standing there and Monica crawls in and lies against the pillows and stays there until she needs a new one because this one is soaked wet from her tears.

When he lift the pillow though, there's a paper with her name on it with the bad handwriting she knows so well, and Monica falls down on the new, dry pillow with her face already full of fresh new tears and the letter in hand.

 _Mon,_

 _I'm sorry. I wanted to do so much more with you. I still had a couple days on my bucket list, the doctor told me a month so I made thirty days. Turns out I'm supposed to leave early I guess._

 _I wanted to take you to a drive-in theatre, watching a movie like every cute couples and probably falling asleep on the second one. We always fall asleep during movies. I also wanted to get a pet. Actually, I would've liked to have a baby when we'd get older but God had other plans. I don't really believe in God or any of this shit, but I like it better when I think it's all His master plan and that I'm in His demand. Maybe it's just that my mom misses me. I'm gonna miss you. But I already told you._

 _I wanted to get a tattoo. Probably a kite, like the one we used in the park the other day. That was one of the happiest days of my life. The last month we spent together was my favourite. I wanted to go lie down in the park with you. Just the simple things, they're the best to do with you because you make everything seems so special. We could've found some shapes in the clouds. I would've pointed to one and tell you that when I leave, I'll keep an eye on you from this cloud. I will. I also wanted to get a massage. Not necessarily from you because last time you almost broke my back. But maybe a couple's retreat in a spa. It would've been perfect. On the last night, we would've been stargazing and I would've said something really cheesy like 'the stars don't shine half as bright as your eyes' and you would have blushed. Don't try to deny it Geller, you're a sucker for my pick up lines. Behind this cool girl persona is a real romantic. Maybe in the future we would've gotten married. I'd say yes in a heartbeat. But the thing I wish the more, more than any massages or sushi or weed, my ultimate wish is that you be happy Mon. I want you to go on without me. Don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened._

 _I love you; nothing will ever change that, not even sickness or death._

 _Chandler x_

Xxx

(In the following weeks, Monica does many things. She quits her job because she hated it and enrolls in culinary school; she adopts a cute dog and calls it Dr. Seuss. She eats sushi once a week, with a fork and doesn't smoke a single joint. She gets a tattoo, a kite with Chandler's name written underneath it. She waters her tree, _their_ tree and buys new skates for the winter. When she walks in Central Park, she stops to get her portrait and supports the local artists of New-York.

And every morning, she goes to the window and watches the sky. And when she spots a cloud, she smiles, waves to Chandler, and wishes him a good day.)


End file.
